Here we are again. Me. Classes. Not passing.
Why do I subject myself to this major self-esteem blow? I can’t really tell you that with certainty.
Maybe it’s because I’m stubborn. I can’t quit. When I’m here, I’m here. Give me the time of day, because I’m giving you mine. Maybe it’s because I don’t know where else to go. I’ve studied chemistry for about 5 years now. What else can I do? Maybe it’s because I really came to grad school to do the research, and thought these classes would just be a small bump. After this, it’s just going to be research.
I’ve been told a number of times to just quit this. If I’m so bad at this, why am I even trying? Well, I really like “this.” Not the exams, but the subject matter and the research. I really love it. I’ve been horrible at exam taking for as long as I can remember. It’s always been the homework that boost my grade.
What should I do? Well, when I am not passing my classes and it’s nearing finals, I follow a simple 5 step plan.
Step 1: Start to freak out. Have the trouble of not passing take over my life. Start believe that I’m failing at everything- all aspects of my life. Think that people don’t like me because I’m not passing my classes. Give myself a really hard time. This is the fuel for my motivation.
Step 2: Make appointments with my professors. See them as often as possible. Ask them questions, no matter how easy they may seem. Ask them how I can do better in the class. Is there extra reading? Are there more practice problems? Is there extra credit? How should I study?
Step 3: Ask other students how they study. Even if I don’t know anyone in the class, I’ll do it. I become so desperate, that my shyness isn’t even there anymore. I’ll lean over before class, and say, “Hey, how are you? This is kind of a tough class, isn’t it? Like, how do you prepare for the exams?” If I’m really desperate, “Hey, want to go over the homework?” I already think people don’t like me, so I lose no honor this way.
Step 4: I spend about 8 hours a day studying, reviewing, doing work to get a better grade.
Step 5: When I’m feeling really stressed, ice cream helps to relieve some of it.
I don’t know if I can do this, but since I’m here, I’m going to give it my all.