I had a dream this morning, and when I woke up I was still thinking about it for a while. It really bothered me. I’m not sure what it was, but it was on my mind way after the dream ended. It wasn’t the usual, “What an interesting dream” kind of thought, it was more like, “What the hell? Would I really do that? That’s definitely what I would do, isn’t it?”
In the dream, my boyfriend, who looks like Matt Dillion, invites me to a resort. He tells me to meet him there, and his room will have a red door on it. I’m excited to go, and I get there and he tells me to drop my stuff off and meet up with the girls to hang out. He has something to do, but he’ll definitely be available later for “us time.” So, I leave to hang with the girls, and we’re having a grand time. Then, the girls want to go out, and I tell them I need to grab my coat from the room. I walk to the hallway, and see this other girl walk inside the red door.
Now, the girls are with me and they see this too. They start saying that he’s cheating on me. I won’t believe it. I’m living in denial. I say that she’s probably an old friend of his.
“You mean a good old friend….” One of the girls say.
We argue this out for a little more, and finally I say, “I’ll just go confront him right now.”
So, I walk through the red door, and it’s very dark inside. The girl who walked in earlier is in the bed, the sheets are in a mess, her clothes are tossed around. His clothes are also tossed around, but I don’t see him. I see all this, yet all I can say is, “Is this my room?”
“No, it’s his room,” she says.
“Right. Ah, no, I think this is my stuff here. Look, it’s my coat right here. I just need to grab my coat. Have a good night, chica.” Then I walk out.
I’m clearly pissed off. I’m very annoyed. He sends me a message, “Why were you in the room? I told you go out with the girls.” I ignore it. I say to the girls, “Everything’s fine. She’s just a slut. He’s not around. Let’s go. I’ve got my coat.” I walk away. This is where I wake up.
Would I really do that? Would I just walk in and ask, “Is this my room?” I was so angry. I even woke up angry. Is that the type of person I am? Am I really that passive? That’s what’s bothering me.
The events in the dream may be fake, but my actions were probably the ones I would take. I wouldn’t know what else to do if that really happened. Would I start yelling? Should I have started yelling? Would I have started to throw thing at her?
What I did in that room, I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what I would do. I would just be extremely angry at myself; he probably wouldn’t even be in my thoughts. I’d just be angry at myself for falling for all of it. I would definitely fall for it. I don’t want to be tricked. I don’t want to be angry at myself, but I can’t put the blame on the other. I say that I’d probably punch him in the face, but I won’t do it. It’s not something I’m going to do. Ugh… I hate when dreams tell you things about yourself that you don’t want to know.